It's 6 months into 2010 and this is the first post of the year. I've not been giving this blog attention for so long. I guess I'm just too tired to pen my thoughts.
My last post spoke about some restructuring. I am already in a new team within the same department, with a new manager and new colleagues in a very fresh and young team. Nothing is stable, everything's a new process and things are ever-changing. It's challenging in various aspects but one thing that hasn't changed is being underpaid and overworked.
Anyhow, I got back from Hong Kong / Macau / Zhu Hai trip a week ago. It was supposed to be a Bangkok trip which I had postponed once and eventually decided to change destination due to the political situation there. Really upsetting because Jeryd and I had planned to tailor suits, vests and shirts for our wedding photoshoot in Taiwan in July. And my wardrobe really needs a change for work. But the trip to the Chinese lands was a great break away from work. Shopping wasn't that great but the food was incredible. On our last day in Macau we had 7 meals. Very enjoyable except the fact that our legs hurt everyday from all the walking.
Can't wait for our next trip which is less than a month away. Looking forward to the photoshoot which I've still not worked out or lost weight for.
Our block is now 15 stories. Our unit is going to be built soon and we can't wait for next year to come. =)
I took 6 working days off and spent 3 of those and the last weekend in Langkawi. The rest of the 3 days are spent sleeping, reading, surfing wedding blogs (which I am addicted to speed-browsing the beautiful wedding photos of ang mohs). It is truly a good break away from work. I was contemplating to log in from home to clear my emails so I can have a smooth morning tomorrow, but decided against it. Why waste a day off looking at emails when I don't have to? Right. I am so dreading work right now.
Anyway, on Langkawi - It is a really boring place. Think Phuket, less the clubs/pubs and crowd at Patong beach, and you get laid-back Pantai Cenang. Jeryd and I probably walked along the happening stretch Pantai Cenang 4 times back and forth on different days, with all the shops selling exactly the same stuff. There was absolutely nothing to buy. Shopping sucked. Food was great though, and they come cheap. As boring as Langkawi was, we still managed to keep ourselves busy with cable car rides to hill peaks, walking up hundreds of steps to see a waterfall, a snorkeling trip to have the most curious fish we've ever seen bite us (like fish spa, except it was just 1 really territorial fish), visiting pasar malam and eating street food, taking an hour bike trip to Kuah town in an attempt to shop, getting massages & floral bath, lazing by the beach and pool, and just simply enjoying the company of 2.
Now that Langkawi is over, we will have Taiwan to look forward to in June. If budget allows, I'm really hoping that we can go somewhere before June. If budget allows, I really wish to have lasik surgery done, and then go climb Mt Kinabalu and do the via ferrata. Sadly, there's no spare $$ to think about all these right now. We're trying to save as much as we can to have the photoshoot, wedding and cosy home..
So I'm anxiously waiting for year end to come, or the restructuring announcements, and see where I can go from there. I feel deprived of what I deserved for the hard work I had put into my job in 2008. I was finally able to have a closure, but this deprivation is something that I can't foresee being made up to me. Work this year is crappy for me. I should be glad I have a job after I had the honour to travel to Pune to give my job away. I have my own expectations, and honestly I know that I should not have those expectations, but I can't help thinking..
Work's a bitch, but I take comfort that I'm doing well in the other aspects of my life.
Just 6 more weeks to 2010. I wonder what lies ahead.
I've been back from my 3 weeks Pune trip for 3 weeks now.. Work sucks as usual. The long hours are making me age faster than I should, grouchier than I already am. Really unhappy but I'm gritting my teeth and facing mini battles every day.
With time, I will be taking on a new role, while hanging around to hold the hands of the Pune team. Until they can walk on their own, manager will consider letting me concentrate 100% in the new role. I already know I won't be happy with the route I'm about to take but I'm taking it anyway.
This is the life of someone who's too scared to move out of the comfort zone into the unknown because she doesn't have a clear direction as to what she wants out of a career. Not that I consider my current job as a career. It's merely a job..
Anyway, Pune wasn't that much fun. But it surely was an eye-opener. I think all Indian drivers can be F1 drivers. The roads are messy and drivers/riders try to speed safely. Traffic is jammed up at almost every time of the day. On the (over) population, every where you turn, there's always someone within your line or sight. Poverty is everywhere.. I see young boys walking in the market under the blazing sun without shoes on trying to sell stuff to earn money. Kids with their mum filthy and unkempt walking along the streets begging for water to drink. My Indian colleague's husband told me not to give them money or water or all the poor will flock to us and you'll just give in cuz you can't bear to see them suffer. And then there's the well-off Indians.. The income gap is too apparent.
If you see the photos I uploaded on facebook, there's pretty much nothing to do around there since my colleagues don't really bring me around to see hill stations as they can't spend their full weekends with me. So I've only been to those "markets" and the only touristy place I visited was Agha Khan Palace which 3 out of the 4 Indians who brought me there didn't really like touring the place so we left in like 15 min or so.
I don't know what kind of curries I had, but I loved them all! No severe tummyaches as I tried to only eat hotel or restaurant food. But eating alone sucks. Every weekday dinner is lonely.. I've never eaten alone in my entire life but I didn't have a choice since I was there alone. Glad to be home. Don't think I can take an overseas work trip like that. Unless we're talking about western countries where I can roam about easily on my own.
Looking forward to the next visit to see how the flat is coming along. Jeryd showed me some photos on Punggol forum that a block is already being piled up. Our block will be the last to go up, which means our unit will be the last to be built... which makes it special cuz it'll be like the newest of new. Well, ok.. at least I like to think it's special. =)
I know I've been neglecting this space, but I think I'm more guilty of neglecting my friends..
ANYWAY, it's into the 3rd month of 2009. Shall write some updates about what has been happening to me.
As you all know, I've migrated to another department within the firm, but still doing what I've been doing for 2 years now. In fact, Feb 28 marks the 2nd year of my time in the firm. The difference about my working life now is (1) I have a new manager who I dislike very much, (2) my working hours are now 9am to 6pm and this means (3) I am getting less than what I've been getting back when I was working 12pm to 9pm shift since I do not get shift allowance. I can now finally make it for weekday dinners/movies.
I've been really stressed out for the past 6-8 months with work really. My hair has been dropping quite a bit lately and I can feel the little bit of my hair thinning some more. Sigh.
Good news is, I will be taking a break from work and going on a holiday with Jeryd in 2 weeks time. We won't be around from 16 - 26 March cuz we'll be in Perth/Melbourne. I can't wait! We've been looking forward to this trip since last August! I can imagine how our lives will be a little dull after the trip with nothing exciting to look forward to in the short term.
April and May will be 2 tough months for me cuz my 2 other team-mates are taking turns to go on leave to prepare for their exams. So I think I'm going to be MIA more during the 2 months. This may be the last update until June.. By then, I may be bald too.
In other updates, I've finally picked up Mahjong from Veron, Mayn and Jeryd. Mahjong's fun! And it's quite addictive..
I've been busy keeping up with changes at work.. working long hours and feeling drained every night as I walk out of the office. I suppose this is not going to stop and I just have to get used to it, or find ways to manage the work and work more efficiently.. but I'm not even surfing net anymore!! There's not even time to read horoscope on iGoogle..
Anyway, the news is, I'm moving to another department along with 2 other team mates as a particular function is being deployed to the department where it rightfully belongs. This leaves 2 persons remaining in the current team, which won't make it a team any more.. sadly. It's not a bad move. Honestly, I think it's a great move for me. Just that the notice came so late and everyone has only 1 month to prepare for the deployment. Definitely shocked and sad that the team is splitting up when my team lead worked so hard to make this team what it is today.
Come 2009 (which is just tomorrow), I'll no longer be working in operations but in risk management. Sounds good doesn't it? I hope it's good.
Since the phone lines are gonna be jammed tonight, I'm just going to wish everyone a happy new year ahead. Take care of yourselves and be healthy!
It's been 2 months since the clean-up project started. 2 more to go. I'm really looking forward to the day when I don't have to spend 12 hours in the office. It wouldn't be so draining if 12 hours were enough. Weekends these days get sacrificed.
Breaking point? Not yet.
Have I mentioned I'm still working at Changi?
Sigh.
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Jeryd brought me to Singfest 2008 on Sunday. It was a mixture of good and bad. Performances were great, the atmosphere was good, music was pretty damn fantastic. One Republic & Jason Mraz were soooooo gooood. And I thought Jamie Scott is quite cute. But the heat was crazy (it would be worse if it rained), the crowd was sporting and very immersed, but getting around to the food stations and toilets was a pain.
=) I wanna go for music fest in Ireland or UK next time. I wonder if they have them in Autumn. It would be so much more comfortable without all the perspiration and humidity.
And we'll linger on.. time cannot erase a feeling this strong
Visited Lena last weekend. Updated her on my life. Hope she can see us all from the heavens and that she's doing fine there. =)
Been working at CS's office in Changi for the past week. Will be there for another week at least. Due to the lack of seats for the 5 contractors I'm in charge of cuz I'm overseeing this backlog project, I have to be separated from my team and be with the 5 newbies. Being in Changi is not a terrible thing. The lack of decent food is. Can't wait for the re-stack in ORQ so I can move back and bring the 5 together to be with my teammates so as to relieve some burden. I'm experiencing a whole new level of work stress. Training and taking care of 5 all by myself is not a joke. But I'm handling it the best I can.
Been working an average of 11 hours a day for the past week, I really wanted to make full use of my weekend.
Went to Wala's for the first time after work on Friday. EIC performed and they were good. The nerdy-looking guitarist had my attention cuz of his cute behaviour and his pimply face. Not to mention there were the gays and this super weird girl who were pretty entertaining and possessed respectively.
Watched Jeryd play soccer on saturday morning and bumped into Bernard Feng (Bernie, from blk E, rem?). Watched Singapore vs Saudi Arabia in the evening. My first visit to the national stadium, and it may very well be my last time too. It was funny, listening to the comments the spectators around us were making. It's kind of awkward, watching a match when I'm not a supporter of either teams, but being Singaporean, I wore red. It felt more right when I wore orange to watch Sheares matches. It was fun nonetheless, hearing people shout butoh.
The incredible hulk was so-so.
Sleep was awesome.
And my weekend is over. Till the next one...
David Cook's always be my baby has been in my head since friday night after I heard it on radio in the office just before I left for wala wala. Coincidentally, EIC performed it, and it just kept playing over and over again in my mind. Now it's on repeat on iTunes.
I just had the worst day at work this year. Was so frustrated with some requests that came in through the team mailbox. The problem with a big firm is no one really understands what the other people do. All they care is getting their own job done (no doubt that it's your responsibility) but sometimes maybe working your brains a little will cause others less pain & anger. This was only the first half of the day.
Just when I thought that I can leave the office at 10:20, my phone rang and no name appeared and it didn't hint that it was an overseas call at all because the number begain with 6. So I picked it up. "Hi Janet, you're still in the office? That's great! We were so worried you were gone". I was like, who are "we"? Then I realise I was on a conference call with 4 other people from New York. 2 of them were nice enough to acknowledge that it was late in Singapore and I won't be able to do much for them, but they still needed me and so I stayed back. Left the office 12:30am.
Fridays have always sucked for me. But yesterday night takes the cake. I planned to stay later at work last night cuz my colleague had to take a call and I thought I'd stay to mentally support her. But who would have expected that I would get a call that would make me stay an additional 2 hours.
Really shitty. I'm glad I didn't have friday night plans last night, otherwise whoever's meeting me will have to take a rain check, or wait till the flowers wilt.
But at the end of the day, I had someone to cheer me up with selegie tau huey. =) In fact, at the end of every day, I always have someone there to make my night. Rain or shine, you're always there. =] Thank you dear.
Cuz this is real, and this is good. It warms the insides just like it should.
Ryan Gosling was skinny in United States of Leland & the Notebook. He was more well-built in Fracture. And he surely is fat in Lars & the Real Girl. It's funny at parts, but I find it to be just an average movie. 3/5 coco crunches?
Below, the view from window near my desk. Pretty nice huh =) Not much compared to the previous sea-view I get, but it's still good. Anyway, tt's so much more interesting to walk in Citilink as compared to the underpass at Raffles Place. There's so much more to see. The crowd is different, there're stores to window-shop while walking to the office every morning. Not to mention there's always gigantic posters of CK underwear models to look at, and Daniel Wu with whatever watch he's endorsing. I'm loving ORL. Don't really have time to shop around the area during lunchtime yet, cuz we're all occupied with work to feel slack even at lunch.
I got a balloon today. It wasn't a special day or anything, which made the gesture even sweeter cuz it's so... out of the blue. =)
"Our records show that you have outstanding library fines of $1.50 in your account when you were studying in NUS....................."
TMD. The book was Roman Roads, which I borrowed to write the assignment essay for the history module From the Wheels to the Web. I don't remember returning the book late but apparently I did. Gee.
Anyway, yesterday was the last day for my team in ORQ, the nice, tall, and very proud looking in CBD with the greatest sea view, and an absolutely side-angled view of the Singapore flyer. (is that what it's called, the ferris wheel?). So we took a 2 hour lunch and ventured out to China Square Central to look for good food, and ended up at Sushi Tei cuz we really needed the air con. I paid for the meal and passed the receipt to the intern and told him to help me split up the cost. And this was what he sent us in an excel sheet approximately 15 minutes after we got back to the office.
It cracked us all up cuz he added the logo and the whatever little icons. He's really a joy to have in the team. =) I believe my colleagues feel the same way. We like to bully him and joke with him with all the lies we make up about our personal lives. Like how Madam Lau has a ang moh boyfriend called Jackson Rocks and that she was a child actress in the past, that's why she hates some of the TCS actresses cuz it's actress rivalry.
It's official. There's movement out of the team. =( It's going to be a tough month ahead. With all the cross-training that has to happen b4 my deputy team leader leaves, and the hands-on schedule to do the apac work, with the team leader training the Labuan people, I can't even begin to imagine how busy we'll all be.
Feeling stoned. Attended for a 4 hour course on working cross culturally, it started at 9am. Just left the office not long ago at midnight. I officially hate Friday especially if it's a work day.
As of now, I hate everything about work. The neverending work. The accumulating work that can never be finished cuz there's never enough time. And after staying past a certain number of hours in the office and staring at 2 phucking computer screens for the entire day, really tire the shit out of me. My brain stops working but my hands keep moving the mouse and typing and going through the motion of getting work done but nothing is going on in the head.
I really wonder if it's me being unproductive and inefficient at work, thus making me incapable of coping with the workload, or is the workload too heavy. I'm still learning new things, and this means I've still got more work responsibilities coming my way.
I'm definitely not meeting expections given the amount of backlog I've managed to accumulate in the phucking mailbox and the amount of work still to be cleared.
I like my team, I really do. I just don't like the amount of work. Not right now anyway. Maybe I'm just really pissed and tired and frustrated. Maybe that's why I'm ranting.
It's been a while since I've typed an entry, on my own computer. It's back, with a working motherboard & brand new ram. A million thanks (and french fries next time) to JM =) Won't have to quarrel with my bro over the use of his pc that much now, hopefully.
The weekend passed by so quickly. If only it could last a little longer. Yesterday was quite a beautiful Saturday if I don't think about the cloudy skies, the rain, the "bbq". Haha.
Ahhh, I just want to nuaaaa some more. Last week at work was hellish. Worked a record of 14 hours last Thursday. The entire team was clearing Batch 1 of a certain data review. Batches 2 & 3 to come when work starts tomorrow. It's interesting how much we have to work, how fast we try to work, just to meet deadlines and to prepare ourselves for more work that's coming our way. I was so relieved to leave the office last Friday. How do people keep their morale up, is a mystery to me.
In other updates, Cotton has passed on, joining Hamham, Delfi & Panda in Hamsters Heaven. She looked scary in death. My bro picked her up and he commented that her head felt as if it would drop off from her body anytime. There was blood on her neck and she looked so weak, so fragile, so lifeless. She seemed to have been bitten by something. It cannot be Blackie/Pepper cuz they don't fight. I don't suspect my dog cuz he doesn't disturb the hamsters. Sometimes, he'll stand and look into the cage but he doesn't go near them. I really don't have a clue to her death. May she rest in peace.
It sucks to have to go back to work after a week's break from monitoring the inbox, linking issuers and accounts, generating management reports blah blah blah.
Monday blues will last through this entire week.
If only I know what I want and what makes me happy.
Work has been draining. Looking at 2 screens for 8 hours (at least) really strains the eyes. Looking at the team inbox kills my mind. I leave the office everyday thinking if I've done everything right. Sometimes I worry that when I get to the office the next day, some big-shot would have emailed me to tell me that I've made a mistake.
Guess I'm really not that comfortable with my job responsibilities yet. I don't get stressed out but there're signs that I'm bothered. I've been clenching my teeth more, my jaws are tensed, I get tensed, and I don't sleep well.
Everyone goes through a phase like this when they start on their new job right? Maybe I'm just taking a longer time to settle in, cuz there's always something new that I have to learn and act on. But it's so mentally tiring.
I'm not giving up yet of course. I'm just saying, you know. Sometimes it feels like I'm the only one feeling this way, and I don't want to be the only one feeling like that. I want someone to understand exactly what I'm going through. I just want to feel better. I want to feel like I can cope.
I want my mind to be cut off from work after work. But I can't stop thinking. Worrying.
Fuck. I think I'm stressed. This is so unneccessary.
This isn't insomnia. I felt so sleepy at 10pm after watching polar bears in the artic on animal planet and went to sleep. Now I've woken up and I can't sleep. Screwed up shit.
Feeling kind of frustrated lately, due to work matters. It's like I'm finally getting comfortable with what I'm doing, and someone announces that I've got a new responsibility cuz someone else is leaving the department and the other team is short-handed. Not that this isn't good, and not that I'm complaining, but I've barely settled down and be good at whatever I'm doing. Perhaps I should really change my attitude and embrace responsibilities cuz these are chances for me to learn more things and meet new people and also opportunities to up my experience points (or whatever you call it).
In perspective, it's not that bad. So why can't I sleep.
I don't even know how being energetic feels like anymore.
how my workplace looks from the perspective of a 2mp handphone cam.
PRESENTING:
The 24th storey of the "proudest-looking building in CBD"
My desk. Feel free to buy me things for me to put at my desk. Or my chair. Like really nice-looking and huggable cushion. Or a non-catholic themed table 2007 calender will be nice. Yes, I have 2 lcd screens looking at me everyday.
This is what I see when I look up from the screens. The glass right at the end of the office, is where the 3 directors' offices are. See an entrance on the left wall? Shen Jau sits in front of that entrace. Er, that's where the ladies washroom is. And when I turn to my right, this is what I see. LOVE IT. When evening comes, the view looks like it's a humougous poster pasted on a wall outside of the glass. Now, I just wish I could have a desk near the glass. Maybe I will, someday. ;)
View from the pantry. That's the Benjamin Sheares bridge. And the river. Work in progress - the giant ferris wheel. (Lousy zoom function. )
So it's friday. Stayed back voluntarily to clear the backlog of work that has been piling up for a week cuz a guy resigned and there isn't really time to finish up everything. Cleared 2/3 of the work during the 2 hour OT. Me and another new girl aim to reduce the backlog to zero by tuesday. It's possible. Do OT lor.
I thought 2 hour OT on a friday = workaholism. Then I saw Shen Jau (the SH Geyao guy who sings damn well) still at his desk at 11.20pm when he actually came in at 9 for training this morning. 14 hours at the office and the clock's still ticking. Then I realise that my team leader, he does 3 hour OT or more every single day. They win.
I wasn't accurate to say that work started on Monday because I've not been to my office or seen my direct boss and colleagues. Cuz the newly hired have to go through a 3-day induction course before starting work. Basically, it's just for us to understand the company and its working better, and to make us feel good about working there.
So the hours for this 3-day induction are 9am-6pm, but when real work and more on-the-job training start on thursday, I'm going to be working 12pm-9pm. It's pretty perfect for my sleeping habits. The down side is that my working hours clash with the opening hours of shopping places. And also, it'll be tough to meet friends for dinner. It's really good hours for party animals, too bad I'm not one.
Back to the induction, the most fun and exciting thing about it is meeting new people. The company lives up to its diversity principle. There're people from everywhere and it's pretty refreshing to talk to them and understand where they're from and been and why they are here. Other than that, we just have to absorb the information that's presented to us.
Also, the people have been REALLY friendly and approachable. And I appreciate them for that. =)
I got a balloon today. It wasn't a special day or anything, which made the gesture even sweeter cuz it's so... out of the blue. =) 
